BLANK STARE

Have you ever been put in a situation where it’s hard to breathe and everything suffocates you? Where everything’s wrong and you just want to hide under the blanket and scream at the top of your lungs and still hoping that no one hears you. It’s that moment when you were in the middle of combing your hair in front of the mirror and slowly tears start to fall down. Drop by drop you started to filled your thoughts more and more about how pathetic you look like now. Slowly, your eyes turned red and your head hurts so much that you couldn’t stop every teardrop that falls and eventually let it fall down. Your hair that you’ve been combing for the last few minutes no longer in knots but is as smooth as it had never been before.You stared at your face blankly without knowing what to think anymore as you look at your helpless and hopeless face.  At some point in life, you will eventually face that moment where you feel so pathetic that you started to blame yourself more than you ever did before and compare yourself with someone that you feel like much better. Someone that your mom would usually bring up in every dinner and brag about how you’re not her/him because that person has better results, appearance, attitude, personality, and life. The thing is it’s not his/her fault, to begin with. It was you after all. It’s this part of your mind that tells you to put you in this certain cave where you bath yourself with negative thoughts all day long and slowly it gets into your heart and eventually let yourself to believe that after all these thoughts are true. It is funny to think about how rather than others spitting bad words or rumors about you, it was you all along who was behind every single one of stress that you’ve been through.The thing is, thoughts are like a path. As we walk along and a path forms we will continuously walk along that path till the end or may I say till we eventually drown ourselves in a pit of darkness. One must know that, as we walk along that path, it’ll take only one trigger to cause a suicidal thought which stirs the impulse to commit suicide.

Currently, I am reading this one psychology webtoon and one thing that stuck with me the most is how oneself can be put in a dangerous situation by themselves. Suicide does not only caused by either internal or external force but also by simply being affected by things that you saw on social media, even worse being obsessed about it and ended up having a thought about suiciding. It’s called werther effect or copycat suicide. It’s when a person is inspired to commit suicide because suicide is highly as contagious as any dangerous virus.

I’m not even sure where is this going nor do I know why I started this topic but it seems like our society needs to realize of how much each one of us in need of attention and love. To be care and to feel cared. We are all so lost in our own world that we forgot to care about the others. It’s not minding other’s business but it’s an act of gratitude and care. To actually thought of how someone’s day is going already nice enough but to actually ask them and maybe help them get through the day is the best thing you could do as a caring person who’s helping another.

As a reminder to you who’s reading this and also me who’s writing this let’s not learn to care about others only but to care about ourselves too. Like I said, somehow our own negative thoughts are the one that lead us to a  dangerous situation. Therefore, learn to care about yourself as much as learning to care about the others.

Caring your own self isn’t that hard. It’s as simple as making sure that you are taking a good care of yourself or to actually treat yourself something nice. Lately, i have this sudden interest in facial care which leads into me starting to wear eye mask a lot to get rid of my dark circles. Yes, the worse thing of all is when you’ve been staying up late most of the days. I couldn’t help it because back then I was so occupied with homeworks and studying but now I am so occupied with kdrama and novel that I stayed up late just to finish it. I should really learn to love myself more by taking a good care of myself and not sleep late all the time. People, I googled some stuff and just found that lack of sleep could eventually lead to higher risk of chronic health problems like high blood pressure, heart disease,  and stroke. Well, I should definitely go to sleep now because in case you wanted to know, it’s 12:31 am now.

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It’s so funny how back then when I was 10 years old, 9 o’clock is already late and there’s a high potential that i won’t be able to wake up the next day to go to school but now 12 am is pretty early for me. Please do not follow this kind of lifestyle people! Based on my research, (adjusts my glasses) adults need between 7 to 9 hours of sleep but children and teens need even more. #gottagoandhavemybeautysleepnowpeople

Before I ended this post I just wanted to say that it’s really great and nice to know that you stumble upon this blog and waste a minute or two to read my posts. Thank you so much and I appreciate it. Till later.

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